


Hard to Swallow

by ixxues



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: BUT IT DOESNT HAPPEN, FAHC, Fake AH Crew, GTA AU, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, afreyan, but not really jeremy just thinks they're together, cheesy lame ending bc endings are hard, jeremy is just so bright its fun to make him hurt, wow thats an evil thing to say
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-09
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:14:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22623889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ixxues/pseuds/ixxues
Summary: Ryan and Alfredo have to be a fake couple for a heist. Jeremy takes it a little too personally.title is a You Me at Six song bc I needed a title but it has nothing to do with anything
Relationships: Jeremy Dooley/Ryan Haywood
Comments: 2
Kudos: 66





	Hard to Swallow

**Author's Note:**

> first time posting/writing a fic in four years wow hi  
> jeremwood is good shit. hurt/comfort is the best shit.   
> word vomited this into a note on my phone immediately after waking up the other day. ive read it a lot so i think ive gotten any mistakes but ya know what can ya do

Jeremy thought he’d be ok with it. He really did. When they went over the heist plan, he was fine with the idea that he couldn’t be Ryan’s date to the Gala, where they’d plant bugs in an enemy gang leader’s house and steal what information they could. He knew that a short, bald, Bostonian was rare in Los Santos; he’d be way too obvious. Ryan’s face was never seen and Alfredo was the new guy and a sniper so no one ever saw him either. It all made sense. 

Then he saw Ryan in a tailored suit, looking drop-dead gorgeous and every bit of the model that he told Jeremy in confidence he used to be, and Jeremy’s longing to be his date grew. 

Then he saw Alfredo in a similar suit, getting ready to leave, also looking like a model who was sculpted from marble. 

Then he saw them arrive at the mansion, through Gavin’s hacked security camera footage, arm in arm, acting the perfect beautiful couple.

Then he started to feel sick. 

The thing was, usually, Jeremy was a confident guy. But he didn’t usually see his significant-other cuddling up with a hot guy and this was forcing him to examine all his own faults and pinpoint exactly why Ryan would want to leave him for someone better, someone taller, hotter, more talented. 

***  
“Remember, if shit goes down, your job is to get out with the information. I know your arthritis has been flaring up, we don’t want you to hurt yourself. I’ll hold off any guards, you just run,” Ryan muttered in Alfredo’s ear while they slow-danced for show, going over the plan almost more for himself. 

“Yeah, I know. It’s weird not being a sniper position. I’m not used to the possibility of close combat,” Alfredo murmured back. He had learned to become a sniper when his arthritis had become too bad to hold handguns for long. Lying on his stomach with a rifle on a stand was much easier. All the better, as it brought him this job with Fakes. 

“I know what you mean, it’s weird not being in my mask. I wish we had comms for this,” Ryan continued.

“Me too. It’s strange, not hearing the crew talk constantly in my ear,” Alfredo agreed, chuckling quietly. 

“That, and it’d be nice to get updates about the guard rotations so we can get this over with, as quick as possible” Ryan said as the song ended and they drifted towards the hors d'oeuvres table. 

“Mmhmm and I bet you’d like a little Rimmy Tim chatting you up too,” Alfredo smirked, causing Ryan to blush. 

“Shut up” 

“You looooveee him,” Alfredo teased. Ryan just stuck out his tongue (“Real mature, V”) and motioned for Alfredo to follow him. According to his watch, the guard rotation was about to happen and they needed to be ready to move 

***   
Jeremy watched, feeling sicker than ever, as Alfredo said something to make Ryan blush and then Ryan leading Alfredo off, away from any cameras Gavin could hack. Logically, Jeremy knew that the guard rotation was happening; that they needed to get in position; that the crew around him was talking about how well it was going because no alarms had sounded. But anxiety isn’t logical and images of Ryan and Alfredo making out or having sex off-camera kept flashing in his mind. He needed a drink. 

***   
The heist went off without a hitch. Ryan’s theater background and Alfredo’s quick thinking led them to retrieve the information they wanted as well as planting a few bugs in the gang leader’s office. As Ryan and Alfredo slipped out, with Alfredo winking at the bouncer as an excuse as to why they were leaving so early, the crew started to plan their celebration party.   
Jeremy slid out of the room, unnoticed, went straight to the liquor cabinet and took the new bottle of his favorite rum back to his and Ryan’s room. Or maybe just his room now. Ryan had obviously figured out that he was too good for Jeremy now that he’s been on “a date” with someone more in his league.   
Michael and Gavin came and knocked on his door, asking him why he wasn’t celebrating with them. Jeremy gave a pretty weak excuse that he wasn’t feeling well and wasn’t up for loudness and drinking. As weak as it was, the other lads bought it and left him alone.   
“Good,” he thought bitterly. “They’ll have to get used to me not being around. I probably won’t be able to stay after Ryan and I break up. He’s more important to the crew, both in talent and emotionally.” 

***   
Ryan and Alfredo got back to the penthouse just as the celebration party was picking up steam. After laughing at Alfredo’s indignation that they had started the party without him, Ryan noticed a very important person was missing from the party.   
“Hey Gav, where’s Jeremy?” He asked of the Brit, knowing that the two were close.   
“Oh, he said he wasn’t feeling too good so he’s in you guys’ room. He was pretty quiet while we watched you and Fredy in the camera feed, too. Probably laying down I guess,” the Brit replied, a slight look of worry crossing his face   
“Oh ok, I’ll go check on him. You guys have fun,” Ryan replied, turning to walk to his and Jeremy’s room. He had been on way longer missions than this, he was only gone for a few hours, but it had been hard to pretend to be with Alfredo. It had felt like cheating, even though he had no choice and Jeremy said he was ok with it, but now he just wanted to be with the younger man and remind himself everything was normal. 

Except it wasn’t. The door was locked. Jeremy didn’t usually lock the door during the day, only at night, and it was definitely weird that he locked Ryan out. Ryan could get in, he supposed. There were keys to all the rooms, just in case, and he could easily pick the lock. But if the door was locked then Jeremy had probably fallen asleep. If he felt sick, then Ryan didn’t want to bother him. He’d pick the lock when he was ready to go to bed.   
He explained to Gavin that the door was locked and that Jeremy was probably asleep and that it was probably fine, grabbed a Diet Coke, and joined the celebration of a job well done. 

***   
Jeremy was in a bad state. He had drunk half the bottle of rum by the time he heard his doorknob jiggle. 

“Probably Ryan trying to get in,” he thought bitterly. “He’ll need a few things right away, he can move the rest out later. No offense buddy, but this was my room first and I’m not going to make it that easy for you to leave me.” He fell asleep sitting against the foot of the bed, the nearly empty bottle hanging limply down to the floor. 

***  
By midnight, Ryan was ready to call it a day. He was tired from the mission, still in his suit, and, as much as he loved the crew, goddamn they were loud. And Jeremy still hadn’t come out and no one had heard anything from him. That worried Ryan a lot but he tried to calm himself. He was probably asleep and if he was sick, better for him to try and sleep it off and Jeremy always locked the door when he slept. He probably thought he would wake up before they got back, Ryan mused as he walked back to the door of his and Jeremy’s room   
He made quick work of the lock, opened the door and froze. Jeremy was passed out on the floor, a nearly empty bottle of liquor in his hand (and Ryan knew it had been almost full last night; Michael had just bought for Jeremy, it was his favorite). He was frozen for only a moment before he slammed the door shut behind him and rushed to Jeremy’s side.

“Jeremy?! Darlin’ can you hear me? Please wake up,” he begged, checking Jeremy’s breathing and pulse, both of which were steady, if slow. 

“Wazzat?” Jeremy slurred, opening his eyes a crack to see who was bothering him. “Oh. It’s you. Take your stuff and go, I won’t stop you,” he muttered, shutting his eyes again. 

“Sweetheart, don’t close your eyes, stay with me ok? What do you mean ‘take my stuff’? Did I do something wrong?” Ryan could feel his heart start to break. What could he have done to upset Jeremy? They had been fine before the mission. Jeremy seemed a little distant and out of it but he thought the lad was just nervous about them going in without backup. He couldn’t think of anything that would’ve upset Jeremy enough to kick him out of their room. 

“Look,” Jeremy started, opening his eyes again to look Ryan in the eye, or as much as he could with how out of focus everything was, “I get it, ok? He’s hot. He’s talented and smart. Just leave me and Captain Morgan alone, ok? We’ve been having a good talk” 

“Jeremy, who are you talking about? Who’s hot?”

“Alfredo, you asshole! Are you really trying to rub it in by making me say it? I was watching you two on the cameras, I saw you dance, I saw him make you blush before you went upstairs, I saw the wink he sent to the bouncer. Did you have time for a quick fuck upstairs or did you have to settle for groping each other once you were out of sight and wait to fuck in the car?” Jeremy spat, a look of anger in his eyes Ryan had rarely seen and one that had never been directed at him. 

“Jeremy. Sweetheart. Darling. That’s not what happened. I love you, I would never cheat on you. You’re drunk, you need to sleep and we can talk about this in-"

“No! Let’s talk about it now,” Jeremy half yelled, trying and failing to stand and settling for leaning against the bed. “I get it, ok? I get it. You’re out of my league and I’ve known that the whole time but you’ve finally caught on. I knew this was coming. I would’ve liked a civil break up rather than you going behind my back, well not even behind, you were pretty fucking obvious on that camera feed, but it’s fine. Take whatever you need for tonight and go. I won’t stop you. I’ll stay out of the penthouse tomorrow so you can take all your stuff back. Just... Leave me alone. Please.” Jeremy whispered the last few words, all anger seeming to seep out of him as his shoulders sagged. 

Ryan was stunned. He knew Jeremy thought Ryan was out of his league, but Ryan had never understood that. Had always countered him with everything he loved about Jeremy and why he thought Jeremy was out of HIS league. Jeremy had been more self-conscious when they started dating but Ryan thought they were getting past that, that he was getting more confident and trusting. He could feel tears burning his eyes as he started speaking again. 

“Jeremy, I need you to listen to me, ok? I love you. I would never cheat on you. Alfredo and I are just friends. What made me blush was him teasing me about wanting to have you on a comm, wanting to talk to you. We were acting like a couple because we had to, you know that. The wink was a quick excuse as to why we left early and in a hurry. It was fake. It was all fake. The whole time all I could think about was how much I wanted to be with you because you’re my Battle Buddy and how missions aren’t the same without you. How I wish we could go to real events like that as a normal couple, where we wouldn’t immediately get arrested. You make me want to leave this life behind so we can have a lame suburban life and I can give you everything you deserve, all the PDA, all the fancy dinners and dances. That’s a dream obviously, but you make me want that. I love you, Lil J. Only you. Only ever you.” Ryan finished with tears running freely down his face. Jeremy’s eyes were wet too, though he was staring at a spot on the wall. “Sweetheart, you’re drunk. You need to go to bed. We can talk about this in the morning and I’ll repeat everything I said because I don’t think you’ll remember this. But I will repeat it. I’ll repeat it every day if I have to because I love you.” 

The lad slowly nodded his head, still staring at the wall, but his grip on the bottle loosened and Ryan was able to take it from him. He’d need to text Geoff to make sure Jeremy wouldn’t die in his sleep from that much rum, and he could trust Geoff to keep a secret. Well keep it from everyone except Jack but that’s fine. Jeremy was pliant as Ryan helped him onto the bed and out of his jeans and shoes. He was still staring into space but now his brow was furrowed and his eyes were dry. 

“Lay down, dear. I’m going to take off this monkey suit then I’ll join you, ok?” Ryan wasn’t sure Jeremy was listening, but he made quick work of the suit, texted Geoff (“Just as long as he doesn’t choke on his own vomit, I think he’ll live. Keep me updated”), and was in bed so quickly, it really didn’t matter. The gent threw his arm over the younger man and drew him close so Jeremy’s back was pressed to Ryan’s chest. 

“Goodnight Jere-bear. I love you. I’ll see you in the morning, ok? I’ll still be here”

It was a while before either of them fell asleep but they didn’t move an inch from their position. 

***   
Ryan woke first, unsurprisingly. He sent a quick text to Geoff asking if he could bring some water and Advil for when Jeremy wakes up. He didn’t have the heart to leave the lad by himself in case Jeremy woke up causing Ryan to accidentally break his promise. Geoff came and went within a couple of minutes, pausing only to share a concerned look with Ryan. Not knowing how long it would be before Jeremy woke up, Ryan picked up a book he had been meaning to read and situated the smaller man against his side. 

He had gotten through a few chapters when the lad started to wake. 

“Jere? You awake? Are you going to puke?” Ryan asked, preparing to grab the trash can. 

“Don’t think so. Water?” Jeremy said, voice hoarse. 

Ryan helped him take the Advil and drink the water. “What do you remember from last night?” Ryan asked once Jeremy had drunk half the glass. 

“Not...not a lot. I started drinking when you guys were leaving the mansion. I remember the door jiggling a while later. You came back. I think I yelled at you. You were crying. Fuck, I fucked up didn’t I? Shit, I’m sorry, for...for whatever I said. You don’t have to stay, I’m not going to die from alcohol poisoning or asphyxiation. Your job is done. You don’t have to stay.” Jeremy finished in a whisper, not meeting Ryan’s eyes and curling in on himself. Ryan grabbed the younger man’s hands to keep him from going too into his head where Ryan couldn’t reach. 

“What happened last night was you drunkenly accused me of cheating on you. Which I’d never do, but that’s ok, you can’t control anxiety. I love you. I told you last night I’d repeat what I said if you didn’t remember it; Alfredo and I are just friends. The whole date was fake. The entire time all I could think about was how I wished it was to you in Fredo’s place. He made me blush by teasing me about how much I wanted to talk to you on comms. The wink was an excuse for us to leave quickly. It meant nothing. You mean everything. You make me want to leave this life to be a lame suburban couple, so I can take you out to dances and fancy restaurants without worry. I’ve never wanted to leave this life, Jeremy. But you make me want to just so I can be with you. Only you.” Ryan wasn’t crying this time, but he put as much emotion and emphasis on his words as he could. It was important that Jeremy understood this. There was a long moment of silence before, 

“I’m sorry. I should have trusted you. I don’t know, not being able to hear you on a mic, not being able to talk to you... I was already worried about you two being caught and then seeing you be cuddly with someone like Alfredo... it was hard. I couldn’t stop the thoughts of why you should be with him and not me. I love you so much Ry, the thought of losing you hurts.” 

“Well. It’s a good thing you’re stuck with me then, huh?” Ryan said with a smirk, bringing Jeremy’s hand up to kiss his knuckles.

Jeremy shyly smiled back, still prepared for a fallout that would never come. Anxieties would never go away, but Ryan could be damned sure that Jeremy always knew he’d be there too.


End file.
